Best parenting book: 2016

This book flew under a lot of people's radar, but in my opinion, it holds so many fantastic parenting secrets (as well as many other awesome life tips) that it is a must in every parent's library.

Check out This is Everything I know!

Parenting Tip #11

Expect, and Project Congruence in Action

What does that mean?  It means expect the best from both ourselves, and our child.  We all rise to the expectations placed upon us, and nobody has more influence upon us than ourselves.

If we expect our child to be honest, we must be honest.  We must model excellence.  We must model perseverance.  We must push on when things are hard, and we must laugh when we're having fun.

As the photo we've put in suggests, we must be someone we would want to be around.  We must be someone we would want our child to emulate.

We must be worthy of having children.  Of being a parent.

While this chapter is primarily about character and ethics, it would also extend to our physical bodies.  We must be an ideal.  Something to strive towards and also someone who our children would go to for the road map to success.

The more areas in which we excel, the more we can be there for our children when they have questions as to which way to go.

We must be Superman/woman.

We must be awesome.

Parenting Tip #10

Speak to them with high expectations of awareness.

Kids are tiny adults who haven't learned what you've learned.  They're not stupid, and they're not puppies (granted, many of them can do the same tricks)

If a child doesn't know a word, teach it to them within a frame of reference that they can follow.  Don't tell them they'll understand when they're older - take the time to explain it to them NOW.

Use drawings, puppets, tell a story, remind them of a time this truth was self evident... but tell them!

My Father used to say "if he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to know" - wise words.

Parenting Tip #9

Treat their requests of YOU, as seriously as you want THEM to treat YOUR respects of THEM.

If your daughter asks you for a jet that turns into a sword, its important to her.  Not only that you listen to the actual request, but, most importantly, the reasons behind it.

Sure, it might be a tall order

(then again, maybe not... man kids have such cool stuff these days...  but I digress)
but if it exists or not isn't the point.  If its within your price range or not isn't the point.  The point is her request of you is important to her, and its up to you to ensure that she feels that you understand and appreciate that.

If you get her the pony that is also a spider (no luck on that amazon search) or not is dependent on a myriad of things, and isn't the point.  The point is that you respect the request.

Later on, you may ask her to look both ways before she crosses the street.  If she's had a role model who has always listened to requests and made educated, informed decisions on weather or not to indulge those requests (and answered with honesty) she's more likely to do the same.

"No Daddy, if I look both ways before crossing the street, hair will get in my eyes"

Well, I'm certainly glad you articulated your reasons as to why you don't want to look both ways before crossing the street BEFORE YOU CROSSED THE STREET!  Now let me explain why hair in the eyes is dwarfed by the dangers of cars with the visual aid of this sword that turns into a jet...

Parenting Tip #8

Abundant Love & Laughter = Positive Atmosphere

There are so many questions as a parent.  When do we discipline, and when do we let things go?

When do we smile & shake our heads, and when do we sternly reprimand?

One thing that many of the successful Moms have in common, is their belief in abundant love, and the ability to laugh - both at situations, and at oneself.  To take a few seconds before lashing out in a moment of anger, and always asking the question of themselves "how can I make them better?"

Parenting is serious business, but, that doesn't mean we have to go about it with a stern & serious demeanor.  If we can be creative with our lessons and have them come from a place of love, and hopefully with a few laughs, the lessons will be more well received   Also, if the "angry eyes" are something of a rarity, then they'll be more impactful when (unfortunately) they are needed.

One thing we must always be aware of is that we're in this for the long haul.  While a sharp tongue might get the job done in the early years, what sort of long term relationship will excessive use of that pointy tongue  forge with our child for the later years?  What behaviors will they pick up and emulate from such tactics?  On the flipside, if we let our children "get away with murder", then that too can create the sorts of results we'd rather avoid.

If our children see us take most things with a smile on our face and a humorous and optimistic attitude, what sorts of behaviors will they adopt from such a demeanor?  If we always assume that the behaviors may need adjustment but that the people are good, what sort of person will they grow into to meet that expectation?

This is not to say that we should be dishonest in our emotions, but rather, we should adjust the source of said emotions so that no matter what the desired outcome, or (initial) cause, the source of our lessons is abundant love (and laughter!)

Parenting Tip #7

Respect is given, when respect is given.

You reap what you sew.  You get what you put in.  All these clichés make perfect sense from a logical point of view, yes?  But how many parents choose to belittle or even bully their children into obedience in an effort to establish dominance?

Have you ever rubbed something in, knowing it would "make the lesson" for them?

While our hearts are often in the right place when we choose to do this, (after all, we desire our children to listen to us, right?  We're the voice of experience and wisdom!  DON'T TOUCH THE STOVE!) the results of this "perfectly reasonable" rubbing it in can be a lot of repressed feelings and a need to prove that we make mistakes as well - which really comes to fruition when they start noticing we do!!

The truth of the matter is, despite our own character flaws, it is crucial that we respect our children at all times.  Treat them as you would want to be treated.  Try to understand, ask questions.

Yes, you can preach every now and then about why its a good idea to listen to you when you mentioned things like that stove being awful hot... but remember, they were curious, and you should actually encourage that curiosity.

On the flipside, what would your relationship be like with your child if it was their belief that you were always looking out for their best interests - and that you will always be respectful of them, and their desires, and that you are a source of love and understanding...?

Couldn't we all use a relationship like that?

Parenting Tip #6

Foundation of TRUTH = TRUST + RESPECT

Do you want your child to honestly trust & respect your values, your advice, your character, your goals (in regards to them and yourself) and ultimately treat you with trust and respect?

The answer lays within leaving a foundation of truth.

For a moment, think of your absolute best friend.  Can you trust them to be honest with you?  Do you know that if you ask them to "give it to you straight" that they will?  Do you respond to that level of intimacy and character by reciprocating a feeling of respect towards them?

For some reason, many parents have this idea that they must be "flawless and never make mistakes" in the eyes of their children.  The truth of the matter is, we should be truthful to all those with whom we wish to have a deep relationship with.  That means you tell it like it is.

Now, of course some things might have to be simplified...

Mom is trying to stay happy baby, but its very hard for her right now.

  

"Why?" 

Well, some people were very mean to me today at work.  

"Why?"  

Some people aren't as nice as you and me, and... well, I think its because they're scared - we're all scared, our work hasn't been doing as well as it should be this past while, and they might be making some of us stop going.  

"Is that bad?"  

Well, if they make me stop going, I won't be able to buy a lot of the things we like, like DVDs, bikes and stuff like that.  

"Oh."  

Do you understand why I'm feeling kind of sad?  

"Yeah, I hope you get to go to work Mom."  

Me too sweetheart, me too.

Most of us intuitively know when something is being held back from us.  Not fully sharing with someone your life is, in essence, not being fully honest with them.  While we may think we're "protecting" someone by lying to them, the truth of the matter is, we're just being lazy by not taking the time to share with them in a method they'll understand.

Be genuine, take the time to tell the truth.

With a relationship as long as one with your child, it is all the more integral and all the more important to lay a solid foundation of truthfulness.

This lesson was learned from our Mitra Castano Interview