Parenting Tip #7

Respect is given, when respect is given.

You reap what you sew.  You get what you put in.  All these clichés make perfect sense from a logical point of view, yes?  But how many parents choose to belittle or even bully their children into obedience in an effort to establish dominance?

Have you ever rubbed something in, knowing it would "make the lesson" for them?

While our hearts are often in the right place when we choose to do this, (after all, we desire our children to listen to us, right?  We're the voice of experience and wisdom!  DON'T TOUCH THE STOVE!) the results of this "perfectly reasonable" rubbing it in can be a lot of repressed feelings and a need to prove that we make mistakes as well - which really comes to fruition when they start noticing we do!!

The truth of the matter is, despite our own character flaws, it is crucial that we respect our children at all times.  Treat them as you would want to be treated.  Try to understand, ask questions.

Yes, you can preach every now and then about why its a good idea to listen to you when you mentioned things like that stove being awful hot... but remember, they were curious, and you should actually encourage that curiosity.

On the flipside, what would your relationship be like with your child if it was their belief that you were always looking out for their best interests - and that you will always be respectful of them, and their desires, and that you are a source of love and understanding...?

Couldn't we all use a relationship like that?

Parenting Tip #6

Foundation of TRUTH = TRUST + RESPECT

Do you want your child to honestly trust & respect your values, your advice, your character, your goals (in regards to them and yourself) and ultimately treat you with trust and respect?

The answer lays within leaving a foundation of truth.

For a moment, think of your absolute best friend.  Can you trust them to be honest with you?  Do you know that if you ask them to "give it to you straight" that they will?  Do you respond to that level of intimacy and character by reciprocating a feeling of respect towards them?

For some reason, many parents have this idea that they must be "flawless and never make mistakes" in the eyes of their children.  The truth of the matter is, we should be truthful to all those with whom we wish to have a deep relationship with.  That means you tell it like it is.

Now, of course some things might have to be simplified...

Mom is trying to stay happy baby, but its very hard for her right now.

  

"Why?" 

Well, some people were very mean to me today at work.  

"Why?"  

Some people aren't as nice as you and me, and... well, I think its because they're scared - we're all scared, our work hasn't been doing as well as it should be this past while, and they might be making some of us stop going.  

"Is that bad?"  

Well, if they make me stop going, I won't be able to buy a lot of the things we like, like DVDs, bikes and stuff like that.  

"Oh."  

Do you understand why I'm feeling kind of sad?  

"Yeah, I hope you get to go to work Mom."  

Me too sweetheart, me too.

Most of us intuitively know when something is being held back from us.  Not fully sharing with someone your life is, in essence, not being fully honest with them.  While we may think we're "protecting" someone by lying to them, the truth of the matter is, we're just being lazy by not taking the time to share with them in a method they'll understand.

Be genuine, take the time to tell the truth.

With a relationship as long as one with your child, it is all the more integral and all the more important to lay a solid foundation of truthfulness.

This lesson was learned from our Mitra Castano Interview