Parenting Tip #5

Democracy is key

If we look at the 6 human needs, significance is often high on the list, especially within the mind of a child.  Being given a voice, and a vote, is a truly empowering step in your child's evolution.

Are we saying that if we all vote for cookies for dinner that we should have them?  Well, not exactly.  With the democratic approach, one must also take the education and discussion approach, as well.  If cookies for dinner are, in fact, what they want - ideally they should be educated and questioned to the point where they decide that it isn't in their best interest to have said cookies.

Ultimately, yes, you're Mom.  You do get to have the last say.

However, whenever possible, encourage discussion, and open debate.  Find out why they want something you feel to be not in their best interest, and, whenever possible, explain to them why you feel how you do, and ask them how they feel, subtly influencing their world.

If you punish them every time your orders are questioned, they will begin to give your orders less and less weight as they seem less and less reasonable.  While, in the beginning, that might train them never to question you...  Ultimately, you are left with a spineless child afraid to question their environments who simultaneously resists EVERYTHING you say on INSTINCT.

This stunts creativity, individuality, self confidence, ability, and over all aptitude in life.  And, makes them a... challenge to be around.

Too high a price for a few nights of peace and quiet?  We think so too.

(Oh, and, just in case you're still tempted to swing the dictator role around... Those instant results you get at first?  Compare them well to the repressed-emotion-turned-rebellion you find in the teen years!!)

This lesson was learned from our Mitra Castano Interview

Parenting Tip #4

Honesty & Transparency

E.T.S.H.T.D. - Easy to say, hard to do.
We all say that we'll be open and honest with our loved ones... but what if we want to protect them from the harsh truth?

The truth of the matter is:  Honesty, as cliche as it sounds, is the best policy.

To expect your children to be honest with you when you are anything but, is of course, a strategy (and a lifestyle) doomed to fail.

"But what if they're too young to hear the horrible truth?"

Life isn't always pretty, and sometimes the complex and the scary must be simplified for the youthfulness of the listener, but simplification, analogies, and examples are not lies.

If Mommy is sad, Mommy should explain why she is sad as best she can.  If nothing else, but for the sage advice often found from children, who tend to look at the world with less jaded filters, and more solution-oriented outlooks.

Let's say you lose your job.  What do you tell your child?

Well, they may not understand what a job is, but, they do understand what fun is, yes?

So, what if you took the time to explain to them the reasons you went to work (either in the past, or now) and that those reasons were so that the house stayed warm, their clothes smelled nice, and that the lights turned on, and that it made it so you could get them toys?

Would explaining to them that because you made a mistake you are sad because now the lights, the heat, their toys and other things of that nature would be rare?  That, until you were able to find a new place to work, that you were sad that you would be unable to buy them a new toy?

Putting things like that towards a child is honest, helps them understand, and gives them a sense of power to help.  "Don't buy a new toy, Mommy, I'd rather have the lights" is a really cool thing for a kid to be able to "give" to you.  It makes them feel as though they have power to help, and make you feel better for a change.