Parenting Tip #3

Avoid Hypocrisy

Studies show that the old adage of "Monkey see, Monkey do" is entirely accurate.  Nearly all of our actions are from modelling and observation, and but a small few are from advice and lessons.

It is imperative, as parents and role models, that we practice what we preach.

DON'T smoke : Should they respect their bodies and health?

DON'T drink : Do you want self abusive, destructive behavior?

DON'T lie : Do you want to be able to trust your children?

DON'T cheat : Do you want honorable children of character?

DON'T slack off : What sort of work ethic do you want your children to have?

DON'T constantly complain : Do you want to breed that sort of negativity?

DON'T be pessimistic : Do you want your children to strive to achieve?

DON'T be two-faced : Do you want your children to be so with you and their friends?

DON'T belittle your boss : Who is your children's boss?


This Lesson was learned from our Mitra Castano interview

How to Overcome Abuse

If you've found this blog, chances are you're going through something, or, have gone through something that nobody should ever have to go through.  I honor and respect your courage for having the guts to look for a solution instead of staying in despair.

Once again, good for you for looking for a solution.

I've taught martial arts for decades, and I've seen many people who were the victims of various forms of abuse become powerful. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. It is an excellent conduit for self empowerment.

I'd talk to a few martial arts schools, ask them what they teach, and get a feel for your instructor. If you like who they are, what they stand for, and feel that you can learn from them, try out a few classes. Let them know you're scared, and they should ease you into it.

Firemen are scared of fire, but they still go into burning buildings to help people. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to act in spite of it.

In addition, I'd recommend a few resources to read to get you on the right path.

The first is a relationship program.

"Why do I need a relationship program?  I don't even want a relationship!"

I know.

The relationship program I'm recommending It is filled with a true wealth of information on understanding our own psyches, motivations and self imposed limitations. It shows us how to understand where we are (and with that clarity, how to change)

The second is a fantastic book on self improvement, which breaks the process of building the self into bite sized pieces.

The last is a (expensive) collection called personal power, which has changed millions of lives for the better. Tony's a heck of a guy.

Taking the martial arts will give you the foundation to grow, and the tools I've linked to will plant the right seeds.

Be patient with yourself, celebrate taking action over any perceived results (positive, or negative) - always focus on the journey. Where are you: Today? Stronger than you were yesterday :)

Once again, I respect you seeking answers, seeking positive solutions.  There are positive role models out there.  Mitra Castano, for example, is a woman I've had the privilege of interviewing who has overcome childhood abuse.  Oprah, would be another, classic example.

You have the ember.  Take action, turn it into a flame of personal power, and become someone even more truly amazing than you already are.

Parenting Tip #2

Parent First, Friend Second

We all want our friends, family, and children to like us, of course.  However, the role of a parent (or a coach) is ultimately to be a respected source of coaching.  Your job is to make your offspring the best you possibly can.

Sometimes that makes you the bad guy.  As long as you are always coming from a place of love, and respect, ultimately in hindsight, your children will appreciate all that you've contributed to them.

If, however, you take the easy route, and choose to be their friend first, and parent second, this can cause a loss of respect, and even long term resentment for your actions.

The phrase "Yeah, it's awesome, my Mom totally doesn't care if I (something other parents care about)" said to one's friends at the age they're at is nearly always a positive.  Once a few years have gone by, however, all that remains is the belief that their Mom didn't care.

With that repeating cycle escalating throughout your child's life, they will likely be your friends off and on, but you will steadily lose the role of parent altogether.  They won't respect your ability to handle the tough decisions, they won't appreciate all the negative results of you not caring (bad grades, poor health etc) and, ultimately, the end result is not what you're after.

While the taste of discipline and parenting can occasionally be bitter, like the veggies a parent would push upon a child that a friend would not, ultimately the healthy results are worth it in the long run.

This lesson was learned from our Mitra Castano interview